What is NPD?
Narcissism is technically known as NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In previous times, narcissists were simply called vain, self-admiring or simply selfish, however we now know that such vanity can be a pathology, not mere vanity, but narcissism. And today the whole world knows what NPD is, thanks to President Trump. Personally, I have come across nineteen clear-cut cases. Two of these are well-known from history: Hitler and Trump (though that list could be extended to nearly every ‘great’ political or military leader in history, from Alexander the Great to the President of France), the other sixteen I have come across in life.
Of these remaining seventeen, four were bishops, three belonging to ROCOR (the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia) of different nationalities, two were priests (neither was ROCOR), whose wives had wretched lives, indeed one drank herself to death, then there was a son’s employer, a friend’s father and sister, a friend’s wife, and the seven others I have come across in life. I have only known two of these cases very well. Both are still alive. One of these I met 47 years ago and the other I met in 2017. In the second case, I immediately knew who I was dealing with, from the experience that I had had with the first case. Thus, I knew exactly who Trump was from the experience with those two.
Where Does Narcissism Come From?
Narcissism stems from a disordered childhood, it is the spoilt brat syndrome, and the narcissist can be created by the mother, by the father, or by both. Narcissists can be male or female, probably to an equal degree. Today, when fewer and fewer women are full-time mothers and instead go out to work, there are more and more female narcissists, created by the workplace. Such is equality.
Most narcissists are heterosexuals. Some are homosexuals, like Oscar Wilde, a monster created by his mother (see The Portrait of Dorian Gray). And we all now know the American case of one who is a pedophile. A disordered childhood means that they search for affection, in their case this means they search for fame and money. However, their toxic personalities mean that they do not get affection and they always end up isolated and are depressed about their isolation. Theirs is a trap inside a vicious circle.
How Many Narcissists Are There and Who Are They?
Psychiatrists say that as many as 1 in 100 is a narcissist. This may be true, though I think the number of really pathological cases is fewer. But we should be careful of cultures which spoil their children, which is what creates narcissists. This is regardless of whether those cultures are rich or poor.
Narcissism has been much encouraged by today’s media and social media culture. Many television presenters and ‘celebrities’ are toxic narcissists, as are careerists and the wealthy, including aristocrats, oligarchs, politicians and successful businessmen (and that includes bishop-businessmen). How those ‘princes of the church’ love adulation and money and how they preen their personal appearance!
Facebook, Tik-Tok and Instagram are full of narcissists, who are much attracted to doing podcasts, which can sometimes become vehicles for personality cults and gurus. ‘Look at me! I am an influencer!’ The female narcissist wants a perfect body (the key to money from foolish males). Modern cosmetics, facelifts, implants, silicon, make this possible, though often with disastrous and deeply saddening consequences. The male narcissist simply wants power, to control the souls of others.
Power: The Food of Narcissists
The worst thing that you can do for a potential narcissist is to give him more power. This is his food. (Many a deacon has remained a deacon, when the bishop realised his mistake nearly in time, others were ordained priests or even bishops with catastrophic consequences). Unfortunately, some limited power can be obtained very simply through marriage or from being a parent. Thus, the classic case of a narcissist is that of the marriage-wrecking mother or mother-in-law: ‘My son is too good for you’.
However, men can become narcissists by getting married and then lording it over their wife and children, who become their unwilling victims. Children develop narcissism through being allowed to bully at school. Here we should recall that bullies are always cowards. If you have the guts to stand up to them, they will run away. Their bubble burst.
Narcissists are common in the workplace. There is always one. Men or women may obtain positions of power in their professions and become vampires, sucking the blood of their victims. The best advice I have ever heard vis-a-vis narcissists is – Run! And run as far as possible. I have known three cases where people actually changed countries and even continents in order to avoid narcissistic parents, making sure that the parent did not know where they went to live.
The victims of narcissists are always financially or psychologically dependent, weak, naïve, idealistic and sycophantic yesmen. The ‘Church narcissist’ likes to set up a personality cult, playing at the guru. The narcissist here uses his psychological manipulations, known as gaslighting, to deceive and exploit his victims, often very idealistic people, and hides behind his mask of ‘piety’, which the naïve cannot see through. This always ends up very, very badly, in scandals and disenchantments, though it takes time.
Gaslighting: Psychological Transfer
Narcissists are never to blame for anything, never at fault, they are incapable of taking responsibility. ‘Not my fault’ is their slogan. Others are always to blame. In Russia we have come across three cases of priests who committed suicide under pressure from narcissistic bishops whose self-appointed task was to extract money from them. The priests could not take the pressure.
Most notoriously there was the case of ‘Rev’ Jim Jones in 1978 (over 900 dead at his command), though many a Protestant ‘televangelist’ is similar. Narcissists always transfer their own faults to others, making then feel pathologically guilty, and accusing the others of their own faults! One example was that of a bishop-thief, who always accused others of being thieves – simply because they refused to bow to his extortionate demands for ever more money! This is called transfer.
No Rules
Narcissists have no rules. Thus, Trump says that he obeys no rules, because he only obeys his conscience. The problem is that his conscience is asleep. Thus, he has no time for international law, US law, the Congress, he disrespects and insults all and behaves as a dictator. Like so many kings and presidents he is above the law, rules by Divine right, immune to the law, and is prone to megalomania. Surely Napoleon was also a narcissist? In cases of bishops, they have no time for the Church laws, the canons. As one very young ROCOR bishop told me, ‘we bishops are above the canons!’ In other words, all these people are literally ‘a law unto themselves’. They also twist the canons in whatever way they want in order to justify their misbehaviour.
Side by side with this, narcissists are prone to extreme jealousy and rages. None can be as good as them and rage comes when others are more popular than they are or they are contradicted by the facts. (Trump versus Obama, for example). These rages are those of psychopaths. Narcissists are certainly capable of violence through rage. The rages of Hitler are well-known. And we all know the raging tantrums of spoilt children, the classic cases of ‘throwing the toys out of their pram’, and that of the playground/schoolyard bully. Threats and attempts to intimidate – that is how narcissistic bishops behave. Narcissists are always bullies. If you are married to one, divorce them or else see your life ruined.
They Love Themselves
Narcissists by definition are in love with themselves. ‘I love me’, as one of them actually said to me, and that must be their slogan. They punish those who resist them very harshly, sadistically. Above all, jealous narcissists hate empaths, as they are rivals, who upset their competitive spirit – empaths are popular without trying. Narcissists are never popular. Many a saint has been an empath, from St Chad of Mercia in the seventh century to St Seraphim of Sarov in the nineteenth, but St Nicholas and St Spyridon are perhaps the best-known empath-saints. The greatest empath of all is Christ, as He is Love. And the greatest narcissist of them all is Lucifer, the Devil, as He is Hatred. He fell precisely because he admired his own beauty. Hell is full of unrepentant narcissists.
Narcissists have no love for others, they are dried up, loveless crusts. The best definition of them was given by the Apostle Paul in Chapter 13 of his first letter to the Corinthians:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up. It does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil.