Tag Archives: Parable

On the 500th Anniversary of a Tragedy

A thousand years ago man sat down at an inn and ordered a vodka. A waiter came along and forced him to accept a glass of the local wine, telling him that it was much better than vodka, which was not ‘a true drink’. 500 years later another waiter, called Luther, came along and forced him to accept a glass of the local beer, telling him that it was much better than the local wine (he had never heard of vodka). The two waiters then began to argue about which was better, the local wine or the local beer. Rioting started, wars began, rivers of blood poured out. Eventually, all involved grew exhausted and decided to drink coca cola instead.

Meanwhile, the man at the inn is still waiting for his vodka.

A Parable (Part One)

There was once an Emperor called Europe, whose father, Emperor Nero, had been especially wicked. However, thanks to Emperor Europe’s marriage to the Good Empress called Orthodoxy, who was a beautiful and noble lady, Emperor Europe began to forget about his wicked father and his evil deeds. Emperor Europe did many fine things and it seemed as though the evils of Emperor Nero were a thing of the past.

All went well at the beginning of their marriage until one day Emperor Europe began thinking about how rich and powerful his father, Emperor Nero, had been. He thought about he too could become just as rich and powerful. He was supported in this by a prostitute he had met. She seemed to be very beautiful and her name was Secularism. She told him that if only Emperor Europe would marry her, she would make him the richest and most powerful Emperor in the world and that he would rule over all the countries in the world.

Some say that Emperor Europe went mad. Others that a demon entered into him. Others say that it was all genetics – the repressed bad genes from his father had been triggered by his association with Secularism. In any case he did the most outrageous thing: he exiled Empress Orthodoxy to the east and a vast and empty land of forests and steppes and married Secularism, making her his new Empress.

Then the wicked Emperor, directed by the wicked Empress, began re-introducing all the customs of his wicked father, changing the faith, even claiming that God proceeded from him, putting up statues, forcing the priests to shave and making them eat biscuits in church. And then, incredibly, he, yes he!, accused Empress Orthodoxy of being unfaithful to him! Empress Secularism, who was an exceedingly jealous woman, was very happy.

Meanwhile, however, the vast land of Empress Orthodoxy had become powerful and influential, freeing peoples around the world who had been massacred, invaded, occupied and cruelly exploited by the wicked Emperor Europe and the wicked Empress Secularism. The wicked Emperor and his Empress were very jealous and sent armies of all the wicked men of European Empire to invade their land.

First General Teuton went and he was followed by General Pole. But they both failed. Then they sent General Napoleon, a little later General Crimea and then General Kaiser, They too failed, So then they sent General Revolution. Although General Revolution managed to kill Emperor Orthodoxy using wicked men, he did not manage to kill Empress Orthodoxy. So Emperor Europe sent General Hitler, but he too failed miserably, even though he did great harm, causing massacres and destruction.

After some years Emperor Europe and Empress Secularism had two sons, whom they called Eurosodom and Gomorrhica. It was at that time that, urged on by their sons, they decided to invade the land of Empress Orthodoxy again. This time, before invading, they decided to tell as many lies as possible about the Good Empress Orthodoxy, just as they had at the beginning, and accuse her of being unfaithful, servile, drunken, corrupt, cruel, barbaric, despotic, violent, uncivilized, ugly, evil and even mentally ill! They were of course talking about themselves in every detail, but many silly people fell for these wicked lies. This all happened in the year 2014.

(Part Two of this Parable will appear later – before the end of the world).